Rediscovering Love: Understanding Its Many Forms

You often hear phrases like, "they fell in love," or "she fell out of love with him." You might say, "making love," or "I feel loved." Love is a complex emotion. You love your spouse, but your love for your mother is different. You love your children, yet it is distinct from the love you have for a family pet. How can we define this one word, "love," when it has so many different meanings?

The Complexity of Love

One reason the English language can be tricky is that one word can take on several meanings. Maybe that’s why so many people struggle to understand how to love. They might not really know what love is or how to show it.

The Ancient Greeks simplified this issue by having six different words for love, while English has only one. Let’s explore each Greek word and see if one of them explains what true love is.

Xenia: The Love of Hospitality

The first word is xenia. This term refers to a social love for the community. It represents a bond of mutual respect between a host and a guest. Xenia is all about being hospitable to others. Imagine inviting someone into your home and making them feel welcome. That’s xenia in action!

Philautia: The Love of Self

Next, we have philautia, which means self-love. In today’s world, self-love is often celebrated. However, the Greeks viewed it negatively. When self-love turns into selfishness, it becomes harmful. If you are too absorbed in yourself, you may overlook the needs of others. Unfortunately, this type of love is increasingly common today. Many people seem to only think about themselves.

Storge: The Love of Family

The third word is storge. This term implies the natural, instinctive love between a parent and a child. It’s a kind of love that endures the test of time. Think about the bond you share with your family. That’s storge!

Eros: The Love of Passion

The fourth word is eros. We get the English word "erotic" from this term. Eros refers to an emotional, obsessive type of love. While it often relates to sexual passion, it can also refer to anything someone might become emotionally obsessed with. Infatuation falls into this category. Many people confuse infatuation with real love. Their emotions drive this type of relationship, which is why we often say we "fall into love" or "fall out of love."

Philia: The Love of Friendship

The next word, often used in the Bible, is philia. This term means friendship, loyalty, and respect, especially among equals. The Greeks considered this the highest form of love in their society. They believed that society would suffer without the qualities of philia.

Interestingly, the name Philadelphia comes from a combination of the words philia and adelphia, translating to "the city of brotherly love." Today, this type of friendship and respect for one another seems to be getting rarer. Just watch the news, and you’ll see the atrocities people commit against one another.

Agape: The Highest Form of Love

Finally, we have agape. This word represents the highest form of love, as taught by Jesus. Agape love is distinct from emotion. It is a love by choice, a commitment regardless of circumstances. It is selfless and requires sacrifice. Sometimes, this love may not even be returned, but you give it anyway.

Jesus exemplified this type of love when He died for us. We are encouraged to show this same love to others.

1 John 3:16 says,

“By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”

The Challenge of Agape Love

This kind of love is not easy. Even the disciples struggled with it. There’s a passage in the Bible that becomes clearer when we look at it in Greek.

John 21:15-17

15 So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?”

He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.”

He said to him, “Feed My lambs.”

16 He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?”

He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.”

He said to him, “Tend My sheep.”

17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?”

And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.”

Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep.”

This conversation took place a couple of weeks after Jesus’ resurrection and before His ascension. Peter was still grappling with the shame of denying Jesus during the trial, something he had vowed never to do.

Jesus' Gentle Approach

Jesus realized Peter needed special attention. He approached Peter and asked, “Do you love (agape) me? Do you have a committed love for me?”

Peter’s response was intriguing. He replied, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love (philia) you.” He expressed a friendly respect for Jesus. However, that wasn’t what Jesus asked.

The second time, Jesus posed the same question, and again Peter responded in the same way.

The third time, Jesus asked, “Do you love (philia) me?” Here, Jesus adjusted His question, lowering the level of love to where Peter was. This change likely caused Peter to feel grieved. His past failures and fear of not being as committed as he wished must have welled up inside him. He answered, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.”

Restoration Through Love

What followed was Peter’s emotional restoration. Jesus was preparing him to be one of the leaders of the new church that would soon begin.

Love involves emotions but should never be ruled by them. Love should always include commitment. It should be a choice that is made and followed through—a willing sacrifice for the benefit of someone other than yourself. That kind of love is rare in this world, but it has the power to change everything.

Rediscovering True Love

As we reflect on these different types of love, we can begin to understand our own feelings better. Love is multifaceted, and recognizing these distinctions can help us navigate our relationships. Whether it’s the warmth of storge, the passion of eros, or the selflessness of agape, each type of love enriches our lives in unique ways.

So, let’s embrace love in all its forms. Let’s strive to practice agape love, even when it’s challenging. After all, love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice we make every day. And that choice can lead us to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Remember, love is a journey, not a destination. Let’s walk this path together, rediscovering the beauty of love in our lives.